Thing One is very much in the thrall of SpongeBob. It’s like an evil little cult that no one above a certain age need apply. I’m hoping that that age isn’t too far off in his case. I’ve tried to break him of the habit, but I haven’t had any successes even limiting his viewing. He knows when it’s one, and if he misses it all he’ll breaks lose. I certainly don’t think that every thing that my kids watch needs to educational, but the Sponge doesn’t even come close. Or at least I didn’t think he did. Until I read this…

Real menorahs have always scared me a bit. Open flame, multiplied by eight, might not always be such a wise thing. Especially with young grasping hands with no sense of restraint.  And don’t get me started about those electric ones you can buy at the drugstore. They might be safer but they’re so ugly they shouldnt exist. There are some good ground rules here on keeping things safe.

There are probably only a few things that would shake our familial foundation to it’s core. An earthquake. A monsoon. That sort of thing of course. But a shortage of Purell would be the most horrific of all. Right now we have five full bottles sitting on the counter waiting to cleanse us and destroy all traces of the outside world. If the Lovely Wife had her way we’d all be required to take a Purell shower before we came into the house.

This has to be one of the stupidest lists I’ve ever seen related to child safety. I’m always interested in anything involved with kids and safety so I had to have a look.

Never use a pressure gate on the top of the steps! Why I would have never figured that one out my own. Which is why if you read the instructions on any pressure gate it gives that warning in at least three languages. 

I don’t want to even comment on the fireplace warning. If you need to be told that the exposed bricks around a hearth might be a danger, you should skip having kids.

In ten or so years I expect Creature One to come to me, with his hand out, and say “Hey old man. Can I have a car?” Once I’m done laughing, I’ll take him into the garage, pull the dusty cover off a twenty-year-old Camry and say, “It’s all yours if you can get it running.” Of course I’d laugh even more then knowing that mechanical acumen does not run in the family.

The thought of either of the Creatures behind the wheel of any vehicle is terrifying in ways  I can’t quantify. This article doesn’t help. Maybe I’ll just hold onto the Camry a bit longer.

I know in today’s world it’s become almost a modern mantra to keep repeating reduce/reuse/recycle. Use both sides of that sheet of paper and don’t use bottled water. So what do you do when your kids are at school? The water fountain we all used to use might not be so safe.  High levels of lead and pesticides have been found in the water of schools from across the country. Oh… and don’t forget the toxins.

Considering when I went to school nobody brought in a bottle of water I used the water fountain like everyone else. I wonder how much lead I ingested. At least that would explain my less then stellar SAT scores.

Why do people with dogs always assume that you want your kid to play with them? I have nothing against dogs except for the litlle ones that look like footballs and yip yip all the time, but let’s be honest; most canines are the same size if not larger then my Creatures. Why would I want to radomly introduce my children to a stranger’s dog with just their say so that their dog isn’t a rapid killer who missed breakfast?